the lair of the elusive lesbian

Wow. This has got to be the most confusing feeling of all time. I feel like I'm completely torn. One side of me knows what I'm doing and is handling the break-up fairly well. The other side feels so empty. This has to be the first time I've ever felt empty. I know that I did the right thing, but it hurts so bad. The only girl I've ever loved is dying inside. I feel like I'm dying inside too. At the same time, I know that I wasn't being true to her or myself. I feel like I want to give myself time to grow and learn how to be alone. If I commit to something, I want to be committed. That's why this is so hard. I want to be committed, but I don't. So what goes on from here...well hopefully we both grow and maybe come back to this someday. If not, I know that she was my first love, and no one will ever compare........

Ahh. So here I am at school in Ottawa at Carleton University. Quite the experience so far. I like the campus and the people, but I miss home like crazy. I can't wait until Christmas to see all you fools! But I must go eat and get full, then to Hull for my first night out on the town. 

So it's pretty early and I'd say I've got a solid 3 hours or so to clean my house up from top to bottom. Hopefully it's all done by the time my Dad gets home. I want to get rolling as soon as he gets back. He better not take a long time to get his shit together. I'd die. Anywho, to Mr. Clean and the Pinesols!

So the pain wasn't bad. Just a little sore at some points. It's fricken cool though! I love it.